Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Brought to you by the Yummy Gorgon Snack Food Company

As a clone, your genetic material is versatile enough to make biological upgrades fun and easy! Insert credits and let's get started.
-instruction panel, Chemi-Cola vending machine.

Chemi-Cola is a DNA-enhancing snack drink made by the Yummy Gorgon Snack Food Company, a subsidiary of Alamo Industries. The drink is effervescent, refreshing, and mutation inducing. It comes in ten flavors, all of which are quite popular among blue-collar clones. The effects of a ten-ounce last 1d6 turns.

Let's see what's on the menu:

Tri-clops: A third eye sprouts from the forehead, providing 60’ Infravision.

Extra arm: Allows an additional attack every 1.5 rounds.

Digestive upgrade: Any organic matter (including corpses) can be safely consumed. Also provides a +2 bonus vs. Poison.

Emergency Cardiac System: An additional heart grows inside your bod. If you’re reduced to zero hitpoints while this chemical is in effect, your backup heart comes online for 1d6 emergency hit points.

Chest Face: Your head collapses into your bod. Meanwhile you grow a giant face across your chest, preventing most decapitation situations.

Clobberin’ Time: Your skin hardens into calcified dermal plates. +2 to AC, -2 to DEX.

Iron Lung: You can close your lungs against vacuum or toxic atmos. You only need to breath once per turn as long as you don’t speak.

Barf Bag: Allows you to projective vomit 1d3 times. The ten foot, cone-shaped blast has the same attack properties as Green Slime.

Brutal Sex Organ: What it says on the can. No mechanical effect. More of a role playing thing, I guess.

Rubber Neck: Your bod becomes stretchy and pliant, and you can squeeze through tiny spaces as if you were 1/4th your body size.

Note: repeated exposure to Chemi-Cola is known to produce addiction, insanity, and permanent mutation. Please drink responsibly. Not suitable for children under 3.

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