Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Out West

“They got some money out there and they’re givin it away
I’m gonna do what I want and I’m gonna get paid”
-Tom Waits “Goin’ out West”

There are many reasons that a good man might throw down the shackles of society and head into the savagery of the West. Here are 30.

1.     Owed money to an Aether Baron.
2.     Wanted Man (roll d6 to find your crime: 1.Murder 2. Slavery 3. Terrorist 4. Hoodoo 5. Theft 6. Rape). There’s an even-steven chance you’re innocent.
3.     Developed death wish after being spurned by true love.
4.     Military deserter. (50% chance you’re the sole survivor of your unit. If so, there’s a 90% chance your resurrected war buddies are looking for you).
5.     On Safari (roll d6 for preferred prey: 1. Dinosaurs 2. Thunderbirds 3. Giants 4. Morlocks 5. Skunk Apes 6. Luchadores)
6.     Ran out of the last town (50% chance you start play tarred & feathered)
7.     Signed on with a Snake Hunting outfit from down South.
8.     Radium prospector.
9.     Something to Prove to Your Pa.
10. Fled a pregnancy. 25% chance the girl’s father has a price on your head.
11.  Cursed by a Conjure Man to never sleep in the same place twice.
12. Balladeer come to chronicle the taming of the West.
13. Compelled by psychic fever.
14.  Hoping to flee persecution (racial or religious).
15.  Hopes to commit persecution (racial or religious)
16.  Legend-obsessed scholar seeking the Scientific City of Murania
17.  Came to bring Law to a lawless land (50% chance deputized, otherwise a vigilante).
18.  Here to bring Almighty God to these heathens.
19.  Entrepreneurial dreams (D6: 1. Rancher 2. Merchant 3. Saloon Owner 4. Brothel Owner 5. Farmer 6. Lotus dealer)
20.  Factory job back East replaced by robots.
21. Rowdy gunfighter hoping to make a name.
22. Fled the Plague.
23.  Scientist come to study Thunder Lizards.
24. Secret Agent of the Theosophical Society.
25. Gypsy wanderlust.
26. In search of High Adventure.
27. Seeking vengeance against the (d6: 1.Witch 2. Gunfighter 3. Snake Cult 4. Gang 5. Troll 6. Robot) that (d4: 1. Murdered your family 2. Murdered your horse 3. Stole your fortune 4. Cheated you in cards)
28.  Runaway slave.
29.  Joined up with some road agents.
30.  Swore to never again wear a gun, came to train with the Luchadores.

*also, I feel like I should do a random table to find out WTF is going on in that Frazetta piece up top.